frick

i usually try to be an optimist, and not feel sorry for myself too often, because it's just wasted energy when i could be doing more useful things. but there's something that happens whenever i get sick. i don't necessarily feel sorry for myself, but i get very lonely. to the point where i'm laying in bed, curled up in a little cocoon, and wishing, just wishing that someone i love and miss were there to just hug me. and now i'm sick, again. i've noticed that i always get sick after midterms now. and as i was swimming in the kiddie pool of self-pity, i started to miss my mom and my dad and my sister. wishing i were home with all my heart. i didn't want to be in school anymore, i just wanted to be home, i was ready to go home and start the summer with my sister. then of course i started to miss someone else. yeah... cool. to the point where i had to start texting one of my exes whom i've recently reconnected with just to keep myself from calling that one person and crying out "i miss you, too much.. please tell me you miss me too, i miss you.." yeah, give me a fever and some serious fatigue, and i can become pretty pathetic. just this needy, tired, whiny little pile of wanting to be loved. i got kind of frustrated with myself. this was all my idea! it was my decision to not talk for a little while, to let us both get some clarity, i asked for this. so dumb. just give me a fever, and you'll see where my heart truly lies.

on a more positive note, the days are gradually getting nicer and nicer, and after this weekend, just 2 more until it's time for finals and time to go home :)