Sunday, July 31, 2011

endless love

love can be hard to do sometimes
forgiveness can hurt
reaching out may bring tears to your eyes
giving endless chances may feel you empty and used

but i would rather hurt, trying to make right and doing the right thing, rather than leaving so many things unsaid, and the thought of someone painful. 

we must be open to all forms of other people's mistakes
we must be willing to love any and all who have hurt us
you can love, and not be sucked into their negativity
but never leave things on your chest
get it out there
let them know
so you can love them again, even if it is just as someone who doesn't know you, you can still love them

we are not the scars that other people have left upon us
we are not the lack of trust that they instilled
you are not the pain you feel whenever their name comes up
you are not this nagging thought that it was your fault, and that are bad people
you are not these things

we are love
we love
we are the consciousness that is observing all these things, even the things that hurt us
we are boundless love
love the criminal, love the beast, love the lover, the child, the mother, the brother
we have the capability to love all the world, we just have to wake up, and open up

if you give someone a chance without calling it a "chance" and just call it love, you are no longer the victim, you are the lover. 
it only hurts when you expect something in return, because you feel that you are missing something
what if you are already complete?
what if we all just truly believed that we could love endlessly, and never grow tired of it.

LA RISING: Day after

That festival was the best concert i have ever been to in my life. 

1. Immortal Technique
SUCH talent. i love underground rap, and he has such an amazing message 

2. Laryn Hill
her sound was off so she sounded like shit, went and got beer

3. Rise Against
i love them, love them, love them. they are one of those bands that really don't need a recording studio, such great performers, all of us just screaming the lyrics at the top of our lungs and jumping and fist pumping. 

4. Muse
i almost wanted to cry. they are awe-inspiring performers. for an hour and half, just knowing every single song by heart, i love muse. so so much. 

and if all those weren't enough, as if we weren't already in shock and bliss, just blown away, now we had....

i watched tom morello solo multiple times, and it was awesome. mosh pits, fires, headbanging like there was no tomorrow. 2 hours of Rage. oh, and they lit the torch in the coliseum for them, no big deal.

i love life

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

facing those inner demons

meditation can bring out some old skeletons that you hoped would stay under the rug, just to avoid this reaction:

shivering, silent tears, chattering teeth.. 

all for facing the belief that i held onto for 2 1/2 long years that it was my fault. in just 10 minutes, i was forced to confront the belief, acknowledge it, and then let it go. 

it wasn't my fault.
it wasn't my fault that he hurt me. 
it wasn't my fault that he took it too far and couldn't control his anger, and then took it out on me. 
it wasn't my fault that all i've ever wanted to do, is love. 

some people want to be loved more than anything, i want nothing more than to love unconditionally. 
it wasn't my fault that they weren't ready to be loved, because they didn't know how to love themselves. 


i have gone through a number of mantras, one leading to another more meaningful one:

1. i am
2. i am beautiful nothing
3. the beautiful nothing
4. i am my own soulmate
5. i am complete 

i am capable of loving all the world, i just have to be open and let it all in.

(if you expect others to respect your views and beliefs, don't you think you should start by respecting others?) 

Tuesday, July 26, 2011


you drive me crazy

you can act more aloof than me, and that's new

you are beyond attractive

you're romantic, almost to a cheesy point

you are extremely intelligent

godammit i want you

Thursday, July 21, 2011

well i'm being honest..

being completely honest right now...

i need to get some ass 

[this] close to making a booty call right now.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011





who the hell wouldn't want to go?!?

Thursday, July 14, 2011

this is my prayer

the world is beautiful
there is joy in the world
there is hope
people are loving creatures, we just have to wake up
the beautiful nothingness of your conscious has boundless potential
the world is a beautiful place
i am capable of loving all the world
my body is perfect
the world is so beautiful


Tuesday, July 12, 2011


eating raw ha been proven again and again to greatly improve health, skin, hair, and body weight. those who eat raw find it nearly impossible to be overweight, because your body is getting all the nutrients it needs, so is full much faster and doesn't let you overeat! you have more energy, better moods, and honestly, i don't crave any cooked foods or breads or dairy anymore. if anything, i just want a smoothie! 

Monday, July 11, 2011

you really haven't changed much at all

i am so tired of being the happy one. i am so tired of fighting and trying to make everything easier for her. i'm done. i do everything for her and get nearly nothing back. not even respect. if she wants to be this unhappy bitch all the time, then hell, i'll let her be one. i'm done. i'm not gonna be her little woman anymore. i won't hang around the apartment anymore, and i won't feed into her negativity anymore. i'm done with this. i'm out. i thought we could do this together, because i thought we wanted the same things. but i guess i'm more committed than she is. you do what you will sweetheart, i'm gonna go save myself. 

Thursday, July 7, 2011

the challenge

there's a challenge my psychology professor brought to my attention last year. think of two people that really have made a difference in you life, made an impact on your heart. and think of the qualities that you love about them, and what they actually did for you. now, write it all down. write down and ode to each of those two people who you never really properly thanked. feel pretty good? the the biggest challenge, is to read it to them. in person. you may cry, they might cry. but this simple act of really truly thanking someone, for just being themselves, opens you up so much, and i guarantee it will at least make their week. 

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

what do you do

what do you do when you want nothing more than for someone you love to be happy, which is why you do everything they want to do, do everything they ask you to do, goof around with them, and are always calm and patient with them. what do you do when you do all these things, and they still aren't happy. what do you do when you don't know what else to do. confront them. 

how long do you watch destructive pattern-based behavior, hoping they figure it out before they crash and burn, before you step in. 

how long do you walk on eggshells, silencing your mind to whatever you actually want to do, before you feel you're not living for yourself. 

how long do you not tell someone that you love them. 

how long do you hug.

how long do you talk. 

how long do you feel sorry for yourself. 

our lives revolve around these mental equations we have constructed for some, and sometimes very small, reasons. why. why do we think that some things can last too long, why do we believe that each person is given a certain amount of time before the timer buzzes. why is it 'how long'

and why isn't it 'how well?' 

love yourself, that is certainly the person you will most definitely have to live with for the rest of your life.
love your body, it really is your temple. would you bring in a bucket of tar and a box of mice into your church? then don't put true shit in your body. 
and for goodness sakes, love everyone else. you want to love and be loved? start it up.