bliss

there is this thing called bliss. many of us have experienced it in fleeting moments. but very few of the human population have been able to find a way to hold onto this feeling. a feeling of seemingly never-ending happiness, where you have not a care in the world, and it seems that all the pieces of your life fit together perfectly. but bliss is a bastard of many tricks. you are under the impression that it will never leave your side, that you will be feeling this elation for the rest of your life. and just like that, it's gone. either what made you happy in the first place has ceased to be in your presence, or you have merely been accustomed to it being there. it fades. just like how good that candy bar tasted, how nice it felt to sit in the sun, how special that kiss was, or how cool the new phone was. you get used to it, and cease to value it so highly. that is, until you find another mortal reason for extreme happiness, until that fades as well. and we find ourselves in this never-ending cycle of searching for this thing called happiness, or bliss. when, the truth is. it never left you, it never faded, you just keep ignoring it. those moments of shortlived exuberance ore moments when you have opened yourself, your heart, to the true joys of the universe. you have opened yourself to love. but the expiring kinds. the kinds that everyone relies upon and think that make up a happy life. not true. that fading, the end of the "honeymoon stage", is you closing yourself off to the world again. we just tend to do it. but all the happiness, all of the love you could ever want, and more, is already within you. everything you could ever need, is already in the package of you. you are love, you are satisfaction, you are fun, you are bliss. it's all there within you, as you. you just have to open yourself to it. and it takes work. a lot of it. which is why not every single person is walking around in a state of eternal bliss. but, once you get closer to it, you can already tell, you're happier, and even, if you make the entire journey, do all the work. you are opened to a whole new world of possibilities. LOVE. 


i am nowhere near that, but just through a little work, i am much more aware than i was two years ago, and i want to do more work. 


today i was meditating at the end of savasana (yoga final relaxation) and was really struggling just letting go of my thoughts and wants. it was a rough day of just 15 minutes of just being. little did i know, the instructor (who is a guru, and has been around the world teaching yoga for decades) decided to sit near my sister and myself and meditate. and i felt it. my struggling consciousness went from this muddled dark reddish jumble to all of a sudden, this huge, strong, bright green wave of just, beauty. and love. my stomach dropped, my toes started tingling, and i was filled with this warmth and awe. i didn't want it to go away. but, as you learn, once you start to try to hold onto something, the sooner it flees. i am taking this experience as a push to meditate more, i want to try for another half hour tonight, and maybe another half hour tomorrow, and move up to an hour soon. 

everytime i meditate, i start off with this dream (i don't think it's a vision) where i am under moonlight and just feel this awe... 

"happiness is like sitting on a mountain of gold, and having no idea it's even there"