keep on movin

just got back to santa monica after a weeklong roadtrip with my best friend. from los angeles to santa cruz. day at the boardwalk, to swanton berry farm for the best pie in the world. then to lafayette to stay with my uncle and cousins. then a day in san francisco. pier 39, golden gate bridge, ghiradelli square, then to the mission for dinner. then the drive all the way home. so much fun hut i was definitely ready to go home. most likely going up to berkeley this week, then back down, then up to san luis obispo for camping with the pops. 

love

ego

there are just so many people out there, who when you look at them, all you see is go. ego, ego, ego. you talk to them, and it's as if there hypnotized. the same questions, the same answers. you must ask, "are you in there?"

endless love

love can be hard to do sometimes
forgiveness can hurt
reaching out may bring tears to your eyes
giving endless chances may feel you empty and used


but i would rather hurt, trying to make right and doing the right thing, rather than leaving so many things unsaid, and the thought of someone painful. 


we must be open to all forms of other people's mistakes
we must be willing to love any and all who have hurt us
you can love, and not be sucked into their negativity
but never leave things on your chest
get it out there
let them know
so you can love them again, even if it is just as someone who doesn't know you, you can still love them


we are not the scars that other people have left upon us
we are not the lack of trust that they instilled
you are not the pain you feel whenever their name comes up
you are not this nagging thought that it was your fault, and that are bad people
you are not these things


we are love
we love
we are the consciousness that is observing all these things, even the things that hurt us
we are boundless love
love the criminal, love the beast, love the lover, the child, the mother, the brother
we have the capability to love all the world, we just have to wake up, and open up


if you give someone a chance without calling it a "chance" and just call it love, you are no longer the victim, you are the lover. 
it only hurts when you expect something in return, because you feel that you are missing something
what if you are already complete?
what if we all just truly believed that we could love endlessly, and never grow tired of it.

LA RISING: Day after

That festival was the best concert i have ever been to in my life. 


1. Immortal Technique
SUCH talent. i love underground rap, and he has such an amazing message 


2. Laryn Hill
her sound was off so she sounded like shit, went and got beer


3. Rise Against
i love them, love them, love them. they are one of those bands that really don't need a recording studio, such great performers, all of us just screaming the lyrics at the top of our lungs and jumping and fist pumping. 


4. Muse
i almost wanted to cry. they are awe-inspiring performers. for an hour and half, just knowing every single song by heart, i love muse. so so much. 


and if all those weren't enough, as if we weren't already in shock and bliss, just blown away, now we had....


5. RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE
i watched tom morello solo multiple times, and it was awesome. mosh pits, fires, headbanging like there was no tomorrow. 2 hours of Rage. oh, and they lit the torch in the coliseum for them, no big deal.




i love life

facing those inner demons

meditation can bring out some old skeletons that you hoped would stay under the rug, just to avoid this reaction:


shivering, silent tears, chattering teeth.. 


all for facing the belief that i held onto for 2 1/2 long years that it was my fault. in just 10 minutes, i was forced to confront the belief, acknowledge it, and then let it go. 


it wasn't my fault.
it wasn't my fault that he hurt me. 
it wasn't my fault that he took it too far and couldn't control his anger, and then took it out on me. 
it wasn't my fault that all i've ever wanted to do, is love. 


some people want to be loved more than anything, i want nothing more than to love unconditionally. 
it wasn't my fault that they weren't ready to be loved, because they didn't know how to love themselves. 

mantras

i have gone through a number of mantras, one leading to another more meaningful one:


1. i am
2. i am beautiful nothing
3. the beautiful nothing
4. i am my own soulmate
5. i am complete 




i am capable of loving all the world, i just have to be open and let it all in.


(if you expect others to respect your views and beliefs, don't you think you should start by respecting others?)